InfiniteTides

For those who don’t know, there is a website that masquerades as a news site, but it’s really just a shill for the Republican party.  This faux news site is The Drudge Report, and the news there is just as slanted as that found on Fox News Channel.

Here’s an example of the slanted headlines found on any given day on Drudge:

WEATHER CHANNEL founder warns of 'dramatic turn toward colder climate'...

DEAR AHMADINEJAD: OBAMA DRAFTS LETTER TO IRAN...

SHELL Posts First Loss in 10 Years on Oil Price Drop...

Bush Gets Prolonged Standing Ovation at Basketball Game...

URGENT: TIME MAGAZINE DOES NOT FEATURE OBAMA ON COVER IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE [OH WAIT, IT DOES]... DEVELOPING...

PEW: Almost half of Americans want to live somewhere else...

Each of these headlines is skewed and biased.  REAL news sites with REAL news headlines go to great lengths to avoid such nonsense.  It’s blatantly obvious to a critical thinker that some of the headlines are targetted at Republican type people who tend to believe the same garbage as those writing the headlines on The Drudge Report.

So why do I visit a site like Drudge?  I guess it’s because I want to know what the enemy is up to.  :p

In my browser, I have one RSS feed dedicated to news from Defiance, Ohio, my home town. Every once in a while I actually read some of the news in that feed. Today, I don’t know why, but I clicked on it just to check out the headlines. Most of the time, I don’t even need to read the articles in this feed. I just read the headlines, and know I’m not interested. One headline in my Defiance feed stuck out like a giant swollen big red thumb of impending DOOM! Here is the headline:

Taser a legitimate self-defense tool, but should be used with care

Are you freaking kidding me?! This is a headline in a local newspaper called The Crescent News, and it’s a mess (both the headline and the paper)! Are they using “Taser” as a verb or a noun in this headline? Where’s the verb? Are they ordering me to taser a legitimate self-defense tool? I think not, because they tell me in the second half of the headline that something should be used with care, and if I’m busy Tasering a self-defense tool I wouldn’t be using it with care, would I?

Being the humongous glutton for punishment that I am, I HAD to click the link to read the full story. I mean, who can resist a story promising to educate about tasers as legitimate self-defense tools that must be used with care. You can’t just go walking down the street swinging one of them there tasers around on the end of a string or have it attached to your keyring so you accidentally zap yourself in the groin when you put your keys in your pocket! People need to know that stuff!

So I’m reading the story (do I have to call these disjointed para-sentences a “story?”), and it’s a mess. The first sentence is a paragraph unto itself. “Mace, pepper spray and even concealed firearms are carried by individuals for personal protection.” And I’m thinking, “Yep, that’s true! Teach me more, Mr. Self-defense newspaper guy!”

The next sentence is all alone in the next paragraph looking all sad like a lost puppy dog, “But companies like Arizona-based Taser International are making a weapon carried by law enforcement available to the public.” But? But? But? How does the first sentence require the next sentence-o-paragraph to start with “but.” It’s not contradicting the first sentence. It’s not even clarifying the first sentence. I’m confused at this point, not confused about tasers, but confused about how this reporter got a job writing for a newspaper. But that’s okay. It’s Defiance.

The author redeems himself with the next paragraph. It has 2 sentences! “The company is marketing the Taser stun gun to women as a self-defense product. The unit comes in nine colors — including pink and leopard print — and retails for around $350.” Um…is “Taser” the name of the company? What IS a Taser stun gun? Are women the only people who want/need a Taser stun gun? How is it used for self-defense responsibly? Should people who aren’t in law enforcement have such deadly (question mark) weapons of mass murder? Is $350 a reasonable price to pay for a leopard print Taser stun gun? These are things we MUST know! Tell us more!

“But despite the trendy colors, local law enforcement officials indicate that Tasers, even when carried for self-defense, should be treated with respect.” But I hate to knit-pick, but pink really hasn’t been all that trendy since the 80’s (where Defiance is comfortably and permanently located), and leopard print isn’t even a color! But I digress. But how do I treat my Taser with respect? Do I name it? Do I have to call it “sir” or “ma’am?” But, but, but!

The article goes on to quote some of our fine local law enforcement officials who have such enlightening things to say about Tasers as:

“It’s not a joke. If it was a joke we would not have them.” “The constitution expects you to protect yourself if you are attacked. They make you a very big person.” “Pepper spray is generally harmless for the long term, but it is exceptionally painful.” “(Tasers) are just as dangerous as firearms if you are not careful. You can lose an eye if you are not careful.” “Safety is very important. You would not want to have a child pick that up and spray (pepper spray) in their eyes.”

Wow! After reading quotes like these from from those who serve and protect (not so much think), I feel so much safer knowing that tasers will soon be in the hands of ordinary people for self-defense/eye-gouging purposes. I know from reading this article that tasers are not a joke, police don’t carry jokes around with them, the founding fathers thought you were a sissy if you ran away from attackers, pepper spray won’t maim you but hurts gosh a lot, tasers are just as dangerous as guns if you carry one around in your pocket with the safety off, and just like a Red Rider BB gun, with a taser, you could put your eye out!

It’s no wonder newspapers are falling on hard times. I found more information about tasers in this Wikipedia entry. And people wonder why I don’t read The Crescent News.

There’s an interesting article on Telegraph.co.uk positing that every human with blue eyes is a mutant who shares a common ancestor, probably originating from the northwestern part of the Black Sea region.  The explanation is all very sciencey, but the gist of it is that blue eyes were a mutation.  Originally, all humans had brown eyes.  Nothing against brown eyed people, but how boring that would be!

Are you tired of constantly checking your MySpace, Twitter, or Facebook page for silly little message from your friends?  Are you tired of stalking people online?  Have you discovered that email and IM are actually more efficient and efective ways to communicate with people?  If so, you may be suffereing from social network fatigue.

There’s a good (but dry) article over at The Register dealing with the statistics of social network usage and how it’s (usage, not statistics) declining.  It turns out that people are fickle (who’d have guessed?!).  They get bored with the Facebook and quickly move on to find and do more interesting things online.